"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
This quote is on the wall in my office, and I stare at it every day as I juggle all the various aspects of my life. I have noticed over the last couple of months that this rainstorm is not letting up...in fact, I think it's getting stronger.
I started my day in my Angel Room, the place I find the most inspiration and peace. What's interesting is that while I feel so good when I am in that room, and miracles happened in there all the time, there are days I avoid it altogether. It should be something that is automatic, I should want to go there and become very zen, just like going to the gym and eating healthy; however, that is not the reality. In truth, sometimes I just don't feel worthy of that room and all that it embodies. I've messed up, made mistakes, lost my temper, you name it, and the place I should go to heal, I avoid. Why do I do that? I ask myself that exact question every time I pass by knowing I should go in and work on myself. And the answer is I avoid because that would require me to go to a place of forgiveness... of myself... and that, for me, is a struggle.
I can forgive other people, and have done so many times, much easier than I can forgive myself. Why is that? Because I tell myself that I should know better, I shouldn't have made those mistakes in the first place. I should have practiced more patience, more compassion, more detachment, whatever, but I didn't. So I punish myself and feel unworthy and don't forgive myself because I feel I don't deserve it...yet. I'll get there and I'll get over whatever I considered a mistake, but not right away. I will put myself in a corner on a timeout for a little while, and then when I feel "punished enough," I will let myself go out and dance in the rain.
If this sounds at all like something you do or have done, then today we can make a choice to not do this ever again. Today we can choose to learn from our "mistakes," -- after all, those are our greatest moments of learning -- and we can choose to find the inspiration and wisdom from the experience. Today I have decided that I will forgive myself first...every time... and stop wasting energy on something that as fast as it happened, immediately became something in my past. Experience, learn, grow, and move on. That's my lesson for today.
Zig Ziglar said, "It's not where you start - it's where you end that counts." On that note, I'm off to my special room... I think I hear my angels calling.